Time: 10:48pm, Date: December 6, 2009, Place: Alone in my Room, watching TV.
Its 27 years today and not a year has gone by when I have not thought about him or wished that he had not gone so far. I may not recall too many memories with my Dad but I clearly remember the day he decided to leave all of us. I am not too sure why do I remember that but the irony is that I do. In last 27 years I have seen my mother who stood by us through all thick and thin, she is truly a great example of unconditional love and what it takes for any human being, to get that godly status, at least for some of us.
I faintly recall memories with my father of going to the market and eating lots of chocolate, I was a stubborn kid and my father with a golden heart was spoiling me. I remember my mother telling him again and again to stop treating me like a prince, who would turn out to be a spoilt brat but to teach me the rights and wrongs of life. Who would have known that it will be her who would be doing the latter?
I guess I never had a closure for my relationship with my father, I have missed him at various times, some good and some bad, there are times when I thought how would it be to have a strong person standing next to you, holding you by your shoulder and telling you, go ahead my son, go for your dream and if you fall I am here to catch you in my arms.
I came back home pretty late this morning and woke up early too, I sat with my mother and told her that today its 27th Anniversary since Dad passed away, she looked at me and said oh yes that is exactly how old my brother Vicky is this year. He was mere 6 months old when our father passed away, depriving him of all opportunities to feel what it is have a father. I never donned my father’s role; I was never good enough to do that. I guess even if I wanted to I would not have been able to do it.
Amma got up with teary eyes, I was amazed to see the pain she had in her eyes, even after so long and said I wish for both my sons to have a very happy, peaceful and fulfilling life.
With all these years gone by, I feel sorry for myself and feel miserable for not loving and caring about Amma as my father would have done if he were to be alive. I guess I never thanked her enough to not only be a mother but a father to us too. I sincerely pray to god that he enables me to make her heart smile.
Today remembering you Dad, I hope you watch over us from high in the sky, I still look up at times and pick the brightest star to see if it is you. You have been missed in so many ways by so many people that I wish if life had to give me a second chance I would not let you go. May your soul be blessed!
Life has been never been the same since you have gone.
Till I meet you in my next birth, praying to god that you are my father one more time, I just wanted to tell you that I love you.